


The Summer Before: Excerpts from a backstory

by Phxreign



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Angst, F/M, Its been 84 years since I last posted, Trying to knock the dust off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:33:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phxreign/pseuds/Phxreign
Summary: *Updated titleJon and Sansa work together in the family business of running Winterfell Resort. They've had growing feelings for a couple years now, though they have done their best to resist them. This summer though, things are different. A drunken encounter opening weekend will finally force them to reckon with the feelings they've long resisted.Essentially I have an unpublished WIP that I am struggling with, these are basically fleshed out scenes from the back story to that story to try and help me get focused and well, it sorta became it's own thing.......
Relationships: Jon Snow/Sansa Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I live! I can't believe I haven't written anything since March 2019, but life comes at you and you just have to shift focus sometimes. (Thankfully it was for a good thing.)
> 
> Anyways, I have a story I started a long time ago (unpublished) but I am determined to finish it. However I need to get back in the flow with these characters, so I decided to write/expand some of the scenes from the ridiculously extensive back story I created for that story to try and get me inspired again. Because of that there is likely some context that will be missing here, I apologize for that. I'm hoping that will give me a little pressure to start working on the main story soon.......
> 
> For this 1st scene Jon and Sansa are attending school in Gulltown. Sansa is attending the university and Jon is attending a technical college.

“Well, can I come in?” Sansa asked in a slightly agitated tone. She had already been standing in the hallway for several minutes waiting for her cousin to answer his door.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jon said taking a step back so she could enter. He normally had better manners, but she had woken him from where he had fallen asleep on the sofa. He hadn’t expected to see her tonight or really at all this weekend. The sight of her in her nicest dress, holding a half empty bottle of wine had left him completely disorientated. “What time is it?” he added as he closed the door and rubbed his eyes.

“I don’t know, not that late.” She took a drink from the wine bottle and set it on his counter. “Do you have something else to drink? Something strong?” she asked as she opened the refrigerator.

“What happened to your weekend plans with Harry? I thought he was taking you somewhere?” He was still confused to see her here.

She looked up at him and her chin quivered slightly. He noticed then that her eyes were red rimmed, the skin of her décolletage flushed. Clearly she had been crying. He instantly wanted to find Harry and punch him.

“So what happened? I’ll go kick his ass if that’s what you want,” he offered.

Sansa sighed. “Alcohol first.”

“In the freezer,” he replied moving further into the kitchen to get two glasses from the cupboard.

Sansa pulled the bottle of cheapish vodka from the freezer, poured two glasses and then downed hers quickly before pouring another. Jon moved around her, fetching a bottle of tonic water from the refrigerator and filling up his glass the rest of the way. He held the bottle out to her and she shook her head. He set it on the counter and took a sip of his glass and waited.

“We broke up,” she said staring into her drink. Jon nearly choked and quickly took another sip to mask it. This was not at all what he had expected. He knew Sansa hadn’t either because he had overheard her telling Jeyne that she thought Harry was going to purpose this weekend. 

“So what happened exactly?” he asked. He did his best to ignore the warm feeling that was attempting to spread through his chest. It had to be the vodka he assured himself and took another drink for good measure.

“He said it’s become apparent that I am eager to settle down and get married.”

“And that’s a problem for him I take it?”

“Indeed it is. So he took me to a super nice restaurant in hopes that I wouldn’t make a scene where he advised me that since we’re graduating and will be going our separate ways, that he thought it was time to be clear that he is not looking for that right now. According to him he’s nowhere near ready to settle down and be a one woman man.” She gave a little sob then and turned away.

“Sansa,” Jon began.

“Please don’t tell me I read him wrong. Because I didn’t.”

Harry had always rubbed him the wrong way. And it wasn’t just because he felt jealous of him, he won’t have liked him even if he had never dated Sansa. He was an arrogant spoiled rich kid who was always too smooth and too entitled. The type of guy that you were introduced to numerous times and he always acted as if it was the first time you met. 

“Well I’m sorry he hurt you. I know you loved him.” He didn’t like the way those words felt in his mouth.

“Did I though?” Sansa murmured before quickly taking her shot. “You know,” she said setting the glass down. “We’ve been together for over a year and he never once said he wasn’t ready to settle down. In fact, quite the opposite. He said he could see himself marrying me just last month. Hand to gods he did. I guess he knew the magic words to finally get me into bed. How could I have been so stupid?”

Jon felt himself grimace at the thought of her finally giving into Harry’s pressure. And he despised how she’d been manipulated into it. He was aware it had always been a touchy subject in their relationship. He’d overheard her telling her friends about it on more than one occasion. He had never commented, but he hadn’t thought Harry would stoop that low after all those months of feigned patience. “You are not a stupid,” he assured her.

“Fine, I’m not stupid but clearly I was naive,” she sniffled.

“I won’t call you naïve, but you do always want to see the best in people. Even when they might not deserve it.”

“You never liked him did you?”

Jon took a drink and then set his glass down. “You’re right. I didn’t. He never treated you well, not really. Sure, he made a show of it when he had to, but he didn’t truly have your best interest in mind. He had a wandering eye and could be rather selfish.”

“I wish you had warned me.” Jon suddenly felt a flare of annoyance.

“Warned you? Sansa, you knew that without me having to point it out. You complained to me about it several times even, but you always decided to believe his crap explanations, to make excuses for him because he was handsome, maybe even charming, when he wanted to be. It helped that he came from a good family. He looked like a winner on paper and you let that take you in.”

“Jesus Jon, please, don’t hold back.” Sansa poured another shot, then seemed to think better of it and filled the rest of the glass with tonic water.

“I bit my tongue for your entire relationship and you know it.”

She did know it. She had seen the way he scowled when he caught Harry checking out another girl, but he never said anything directly to her. And she had given him plenty of chances to intervene. She had complained and voiced her worries on their numerous rides home and back to the Riverlands. He had always listened and while he consistently validated her feeling, she had never gotten him to say a direct word against Harry.

“Well I still wish you had spoken up sooner.” Her lip trembled slightly and she took a drink in hopes of hiding it. 

“Even if I had, you won’t have listened,” Jon pointed out with heavy resignation.

Sansa burst into tears then and Jon immediately regretted his candor. He downed the rest if his drink and then reached for her. She let him fold her into his arms and buried her face into his neck. He wanted to tell her not to mourn the loss of such a toxic relationship, but he thought better of rubbing further salt in her wound. Sansa was a romantic, and the loss of a college sweetheart that she thought she might marry, even if he was no good for her, was still a blow for her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be cruel,” he soothed and stroked her hair. She sobbed a minute more and then drew away and wiped her face.

“I know. I’m just frustrated right now.” She downed the last of her drink. “And probably more drunk than I should be.”

“You’re got a right to be.” She set her glass down and took a deep breath and sniffled. 

“Well I guess we’ll both be heading into the summer single,” Sansa said trying to force the semblance of a smile.

He rewarded her with a small twitch of his lips. “Misery loves company I suppose.” He finished his drink and quickly pushed aside the unwelcomed thought of his breakup with Ygritte not too long ago.

Sansa gave a short sad laugh and poured them both another drink.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he asked as she took a long drink.

“I’ve had a major disappointment and that means I can drink all I please, but thank you for your concern mother.”

Jon couldn’t stop the pointed look that crossed his face. Inferring he was like Catelyn Stark, a woman who had only recently decided she could tolerate him, was a bit too far. He could tell by color that crept into Sansa’s cheeks that she knew it too.

“Can we just watch tv for a bit?” she asked, trying to move them on from the prior comment. “I just want to stay till I know my roommates are is asleep. I just don’t want to explain how wrong I was to anyone else right now.”

Jon took a shirt and pair of shorts from the laundry basket on the table and held them out to her. “You know you can always stay as long as you need.”

She rewarded him with a small smile.

Sansa went into the bathroom and changed while Jon settled on his end of the couch. He turned on a movie he knew Sansa liked. When she returned she snuggled in next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. It was late and it didn’t take long for the vodka to seep through his veins and push him back towards sleepiness. He wasn’t sure how long he was out for when he awoke to the sound of muffled sobs and sniffling. The first thing that came into focus was the empty vodka bottle on the coffee table. He then turned his gaze to Sansa, curled up at the other end of the couch quietly crying.

“I’m sorry,” Sansa sobbed quickly wiping tears from her face when she noticed him awake.

“It’s alright,” he replied moving towards her. She smelled strongly of liquor now, it was much less pleasant than the light floral and lemon scent he always associated with her.

“How could he not want me Jon? I come from a decent family, a storied family. I take care of myself, I mean I’m pretty goddammit. Don’t you think I’m pretty?”

“You’re beautiful,” Jon said gazing at her softly.

“Thank you. But I still don’t understand it.”

“You shouldn’t waste time trying to understand. He just wasn’t the right person for you. There’ll be someone else,” he assured her.

“But what if you can’t be with the person that you think is right for you?”

She was looking at him through her lashes as she spoke and Jon felt his pulse quicken. He reached out and tipped her chin up slightly. “And why couldn’t you?”

Sansa seemed to read something in his expression that caused her to look away. “I – I just meant more like where is the right person then?”

He wanted to tell her that the right person was there in front of her, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to do anything that might push her away from him and he had no desire to embarrass himself when he knew she didn’t feel anything close to what he did. He didn’t want them to be awkward. They still had the rest of the spring semester and then there would be the summer, and likely years of working together at Winterfell. And really even if she did feel something for him, Catelyn would never allow it to progress. She might no longer despised him, but that didn’t mean she would embrace him as her son in law in this lifetime.

Sansa’s hand cupped his cheek and pulled him from his thoughts. “Jon?” Sansa asked softly.

“Yeah,” he responded looking at her softly.

“What were you thinking just now?” Jon stumbled to respond and he felt his skin flush warm. “Do you think it’s possible he’s closer than I think?”

“Who?” he asked momentarily confused.

“Mr. Right.”

She was looking at him intently and Jon felt his heart started to pound. He swore she was focused on his lips. He wanted to tell her yes, that he was. It was taking all his willpower not to close the gap and kiss her. He tried to make himself picture Aunt Cat’s furious face, but Sansa’s thumb was trailing towards his lip and it was nearly impossible to focus on anything else.

“Sansa,” he said in a strangled whisper as their eyes locked once more. Maybe he should give in. He had spent so long longing for her, didn’t he owe it to himself to at least kiss her, see if there was a real spark outside of his mind?

Her thumb brushed the edge of his mouth and he started to move forward. He froze when her eyes suddenly flared wide. “I’m gonna be sick,” she cried and then flung her hand over her mouth and fled to the bathroom.

Jon collapsed back on the couch, unsure if he was relieved or disappointed. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the faint sound of water running and Sansa vomiting. He took a deep breath and told himself this was for the best. He knew better then to think they could have a romantic relationship, and even if they could, would this really be how he would want it to start? He took another deep breath, ran his hands through his hair and then rose to go assist Sansa in the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene takes place a couple of months after the first one. In this story Winterfell is a resort in the North run by the Starks. Jon is the head of the grounds crew. This takes place on the weekend of the Mother's Day Festival (which in this story would be similar to Memorial Day in that it is considered the start of summer.) 
> 
> Again I apologize for the context not being what it should.

“You’re calling it already?” Theon asked as Jon pushed to his feet. He could hear the band starting to wrap up their set on the stage on the other side of the lawn. The drinks would likely continue to flow for another hour or two, but he was spent.

“Already?” he responded and cringed at what he thought was a slight slur. “It’s after midnight. I’ve been up since 5am and we’ve been drinking since dinner.” He picked up a glass of water and forced himself to finish it.

“Amateur,” Theon said as he bounced a quarter that missed Jon’s nearly empty beer glass.

“Call me whatever you want, but I have to get some sleep. I have to be up early to take all this down,” Jon said with his hand sweeping out towards the grand lawn and the multitude of tables, tents and chairs.

“Sucks to be the boss sometimes, doesn’t it?” Theon laughed before signaling to one of the waitresses for a refill.

“You remember you’re supposed to assist right?”

“Of course. Meet you there,” Theon responded with a grin and a wink.

Jon rolled his eyes with a sigh and pushed his chair in. He turned with a slight stumble before quickly walking off, ignoring Theon’s laugh as he went. He headed out the back of tent near the bar, away from the lights and ducked into the tunnel entrance on the east end of the lodge. He figured it was the safest route for avoiding anyone that might delay him from reaching his bed.

The tunnel was dimly lit, but he could see someone had left the lights on in the main storage area up ahead. He really hoped whoever it was had left. He was too tired to help anyone search for something. He was just about to enter the main room when he heard the sound of breaking glass. He froze in the shadows and waited.

“Fuck you! Fuck you both!” he heard Sansa say in a voice that was thick with tears. She was last person he thought he’d come across down here. The last time he has seen her she had been standing on the grand lawn near the stage with her parents, beaming as she accepted congratulations on how wonderful tonight’s celebration was.

“Sansa?” he called out as he moved into the room.

“Jon?” she answered as she peered out from behind the shelves in the corner they used to store the party alcohol.

“Do you need help with something? I thought everything was winding down.”

“He’s getting married,” she said pulling the cork out of a fresh bottle of wine.

“Who?” Jon asked genuinely confused.

“Harry.”

“Oh. I’m sorry?” Harry hadn’t come up in a few weeks. He thought she had moved passed the break up.

“I haven’t even told you the best part.” She took a drink of wine as he waited. “He’s marrying Margaery.” Jon cringed. He supposed that explained why Margaery had suddenly decided to move out from the house she shared with Sansa and two other girls in the middle of the fall semester.

“Where’d you hear that? Did they contact you?”

“Of course not,” she scoffed with a bitter laugh. “No, I overheard a couple of the guests talking. It’s going to be the social event of the summer. They’re very excited.” She gave another bitter laugh and took a long drink of wine.

Jon wasn’t sure what to say to that. “You know what really galls me?” Sansa continued. She was moving towards him now, walking far from a straight line.

“That he’s getting married so soon after telling you he wasn’t ready to get married?”

“Well yeah, that’s shitty too, but no. What really galls me is that the there is no way they started planning the social event of the summer right after we broke up. Clearly I KNOW exactly how long it takes to plan a major event like that, and there is no way, no way, that this wasn’t in the works for many months. She was my friend Jon, like one of my best friends. How could she do that? How could she be ok with any of this?” Jon made a motion to convey he wasn’t sure.

“What’s worse,” she continued, “is I think I knew and now this explains so much. Her and Harry were always so weird when they were in a room together. I thought maybe she didn’t like him. In fact she implied one of the reasons she wanted to have her own place was so she won’t be in our space, but like it was in this way that made it seem like him and I made her uncomfortable. I had felt bad about it too! Like I felt like a shitty friend that had picked my boyfriend over my friend. Well she certainly played me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jon said. “I imagine it’ll take some time to get over this.”

Sansa gave a soft bitter laugh and shook her head slightly before taking another sip of wine. She studied Jon for a moment and then pulled her bottom lip between her teeth for a brief moment like she was considering something. “Fuck ‘em both, right?” she said finally.

“Yeah, fuck ‘em both. Do you want some help getting back to the cottage?” She shook her head and took a slight stumbled step backwards. “Are you certain?” he added.

“I shouldn’t have wasted my time on him. But to be clear I’m more hurt because of Margaery than him.”

“I understand. And you shouldn’t waste anymore time now. Let me help you home.” He reached out towards her in an attempt to take the wine bottle and start ushering her towards the executive cottage. He thought it might be best to get her tucked in before Ned and Cat came back for the night.

She took another step backwards and shook her head again. “You know originally I only agreed to go out with him to see what you would do.”

“What?” he asked and dropped his hand.

“Are you really that shocked?”

“But you wanted to marry him.” The pleasant buzz he once had was now gone.

Sansa shrugged in response. “You said it yourself once, he looked good on paper.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, I watched…” Jon felt his cheeks flush. “I mean I saw how you were with him. You’re drunk and not making sense. Come on let’s go.”

“Are you really going to keep denying all this undercurrent between us? It’s been three years Jon. Aren’t you tired of pretending it’s not there?” Jon tensed but said nothing. He should’ve stayed drinking with Theon. Sansa gave him an imploring look. “Do ever wish we weren’t cousins? That my mother wasn’t so, so, whatever she is about you?”

“You know I’ve spent a lot of my life wishing that about her.”

“Cousins still marry in Westros quite often.”

“Sansa, where are you going with this?”

“Do you deny you’re attracted to me?”

“I don’t think this is the best way for you to be coping with this Harry Margaery deal.”

“That’s fair, it is, but really they are two separate issues. And right now I want to focus on this one.” She moved closer and pushed some of his hair behind his ear.

He reached up and removed her hand but did not release it. “Well I don’t want too. I’ve had too much beer and you’ve had too much wine and we both know this can never be…… we can never be more than we are now.”

“But you wish we could,” she said softly, her fingers folding to clasp his hand.

Jon took a deep breath and held it for a moment. “It doesn’t matter what I wish. It changes nothing.”

“But it matters to me.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me that I’m right, that there has been something building between us for at least the last couple years.”

“We’ve both dated other people in that time. You wanted to marry Harry,” he replied withdrawing his hand from hers.

“Does that make you jealous?”

Jon had had enough of this. Even if he admitted how he felt it would only serve to make things uncomfortable between them. She would realize that as well when she sobered up. “I don’t want to play this game with you. I get you’re drunk and hurt, but you don’t need to lash out at me to feel better.” He turned to leave.

“Wait! I’m sorry!” she cried grabbing his shoulder and spinning him back towards her. They both stumbled for a moment and grabbed on to each other to steady themselves. They were too close now, face to face with arms intertwined.

‘Fuck,’ Jon thought to himself in the moment right before their lips met. They pulled each other tighter, teeth clashing, tongues fighting for dominance and hands searching. Neither was sure how long the kiss lasted but when they pulled apart they were both breathless.

“Come with me,” Sansa said after a moment and held out her hand. He took it and nodded. That kiss had destroyed all his resistance.

She led them deeper into the store room, in the direction of the art vault that occupied the back right quarter. She turned the lights off on their way, plunging them into relative darkness. The only light now was from the small windows around the top of the room and occasionally placed safety lighting near the floor. They stopped and waited a moment for their eyes to adjust before proceeding. When they reached the vault she pulled out her keys and after a moment of fumbling, opened the door and pulled him inside.

They were kissing again and she reached for his pants. He stilled her hands for a moment and drew back. “Are you sure?” he asked. “This will change things.”

She smiled and nodded before starting to kiss him again. He released her hands and let her go back to work. She got the button undone and the zipper down before plunging her hand inside. He shivered as she touched him and felt her smile against his lips.

He left her lips and began to kiss her shoulders, sliding the thick straps of her dress downward. She gave a breathy moan and then he reached around the back to unzip her dress. She removed her hands from his pants so she could take her dress off. It fell to the floor as he removed his shirt. She stepped away from it as he worked to remove his pants.

They were soon intertwining again, skin on skin this time. Hands tangling in each other’s hair. They were moving backwards further into the vault and before he knew it he was bumping into the restoration table.

Sansa pushed his boxers down as he spun them around and hoisted her up on to the table. He flung her panties aside and suddenly stopped. “It’s ok, I’m on the pill,” she whispered. A moment later Jon pushed inside her. She gasped and threw her head back. Jon’s hand grabbed onto her hair and kept her head back as he attacked her neck with his mouth and his hips started to set a quick cadence. Sansa pulled at his hair in response and he felt the nails of her other hand starting to sink into his back. The pain only served to spur him on. He could barely hear the sound of their moans over the sound of their skin smacking together.

“Don’t stop,” Sansa panted as he started to drive further upward. Her grip on his hair grew tighter and it only made him fuck her harder. Just as he started to think she was going to pull his hair out of his head, she let out a sharp gasp, released her grip and flung herself backwards so she was sprawled on the table. Seeing her laid out like that was too much for him and he grabbed her hips tightly as he found his release and then nearly collapsed on top of her.

They lay like that for a long time trying to catch their breaths, even after he had slipped out from her. Jon eventually climbed up on the table and pulled her close against him.

“Now what happens?” he asked quietly in her ear.

“Now you just hold me,” came her answer.

Jon took a deep breath and pulled a nearby folded canvas under his head. The room smelled heavily of sex now. His last thought before drifting off to sleep was that he needed to turn the ventilation system on before they left.

Sansa waited until Jon’s breath was deep and even before she untangled herself from his arms. She felt pangs of guilt as she slid from the table and gathered up her clothes. She dressed quickly and then carefully laid a piece of canvas over Jon’s waist. He stirred for a moment and she held her breath. She wanted to get out of her before he woke. She hadn’t really considered the possibility that he might give in. She wasn’t sure what they had just set in motion here, but she did not have the capacity to deal with it tonight. She tiptoed to the door and lingered for a moment watching him sleep before she silently let herself out. She reminded herself that she would need to come back first chance in the morning and relock the door.

Sometime later Jon awoke to find himself alone. A piece of canvas had been draped over his hips and his clothes were piled on the table next to him. It was still dark outside.

“Sansa?” he called out. There was no answer as he rose and dressed himself. There was no sign of her. Jon felt the beginnings of a terrible hangover starting to take hold, at least that’s what he told himself the sickening feeling of dread that was starting to seize his stomach was. He took a deep breath and then finger combed his hair before heading for the door. He paused to survey the room before flipping on the ventilation and letting himself out. He hoped Sansa had made it home safely. 

He headed off in the direction of his room. He was now even more exhausted then when he had left Theon, but he knew he was unlikely to sleep anymore tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for now. Thanks for reading! I'm hoping to get moving on the main story now, (send good juju) but if not I might be back adding to this sooner than later. Guess we'll see..........


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I'm back adding to this for the moment. The writer's block for the original story is very real. Maybe its that there are really two stories I am trying to tell and this one needs to get out first? I don't know. At least I can write something, right?

“And lastly, make sure the lemonade cart is out to the stable by 11am, the trail riders are expected back no later than 11:30,” Sansa said. She was leading the morning hospitality meeting on the porch that ran behind the kitchen. For here one could see the executive cottage and the staff dorms. She looked passed the gathered staff and could clearly make out Jon leaving the dorms. He was heading in her direction. “That’s all for now,” she said, quickly bringing an end to the meeting.

“Yes ma’am,” some of the staff said before starting to disperse. Smaller conversations broke out as the staff headed off to begin their assigned tasks.

Sansa quickly headed back into the kitchen and cut through to the main lobby. She ducked into the door that led down to the basement and took the staff tunnel that headed out towards the music hall. It had been just over a week since she had slept with Jon and so far she had managed to avoid being alone with him. They hadn’t spoken outside of a few work matters and she could sense his frustration growing daily. She knew she shouldn’t put him off too much longer, but she still wasn’t sure what it all meant and she was just not ready to have that conversation with him yet.

She reach the end of the tunnel and open the door to the music hall. She gave out a small yelp when she found Jon standing right outside the door. He was breathing heavily and looked flushed.

“My gods!” she exclaimed. “Did you run here?!”

“So is this going to be the way of it? You’re just going to ignore me, avoid me all summer?” Jon said angrily, ignoring her question.

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” she lied. “It’s the start of the season, we’ve been busy. You know how it gets.”

“You haven’t talked to me since it happened.”

“I… I…. that’s not true. We’ve spoken.”

“You asking me to fix something or set up tables on the lawn is not speaking to me. We need to talk about what happened.” Sansa swallowed nervously and looked away. “I warned you that night,” he continued. “I told you it would change things.” She could tell he was hurt, and it made her stomach ache. “Will you look at me please?” he asked in a softer tone.

She met his gaze and felt her heart squeeze. “I…. I’m not sure….. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it yet,” she said softly. Jon looked wounded and it made her stomachache worse.

He held her gaze for a long moment and then took a deep breath. “Do you regret it?”

She wasn’t sure how to answer that right now. She hated that it had made everything strained and awkward between. She hated that it might have undone three years of bonding between them. But she also had found herself dreaming of him nearly every night and smiling whenever she let her thoughts wander to how his hands had felt and how his lips had tasted. Nothing about this was simple. The air began to feel heavy and she knew she was taking too long to answer.

“Do you?” she asked finally. Jon looked exasperated for a brief moment. “Have we ruined everything?” she asked so softly that she wasn’t even sure he could hear her.

Jon sighed but the exasperation seemed to disappear. “No, nothing’s been ruined. And I don’t think I regret it…… yet. But I need you to tell me how you feel. I want you to tell me what it meant to you. You said that night that something’s been building between us for some time. You said you had wanted to make me jealous and you wanted me to admit I felt something for you. Was that all just drunken rambling or……” He paused and took a deep breath.

“Or?”

Jon ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply once more. She wasn’t sure if he was frustrated or if it was something else. This was exactly why she had been avoiding him. She hated the idea she might be hurting him, but she wasn’t certain she was ready to give voice to her feelings just yet. She’d been suppressing them for nearly two years, it was hard to stop that and admit they might be real. 

“This was clearly a mistake,” he said finally, more to himself than her and he turned to leave.

“Jon wait!” she cried and grabbed his arm. He turned back and waited.

“I can’t tell you what it means right now because I don’t know. It’s complicated, right? I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Ok, well tell me this. Were you just using me to get past Harry? If it was, if it was just about sex, please just tell me that now.”

Sansa took a breath and weighed her options. If she told him it was just sex, a drunken mistake, he’d be hurt but eventually maybe they could go back to the way things had been before. If she told him it had meant something more, well then what? Would he want a relationship? Would that even be possible for them? What would her mother think? And what if it ended badly? He was her cousin and an important part of the family operation, it’s not like they’d be able to have any type of clean break where’d they’d be able to go their separate ways.

“Sansa?” he said softly, drawing her back into the moment.

“We were really drunk Jon,” she began and then felt her resolve falter. “And I may have said some things that….. I….. I think I needed to prove to myself that I was still….. that someone might still want me?” It came out as more of a question than she had intended. She wondered if he could hear her heart pounding, if he could tell she was lying. 

“I don’t believe you,” he said now seemingly angry. “Why would you risk….” And he stopped suddenly as their eyes met. Something in his eyes stole Sansa’s breath for a moment.

Jon grabbed her then, pulling her tight against him and kissed her, hard. She was shocked for a moment and then melted into him, kissing him back with the same intensity. It lasted for several long moments and then he pulled away just as abruptly. Sansa stepped back stunned; her hand raised to her lips as she gasped for breath.

She lowered her hand. “What was that?” she asked after another moment.

“I needed to know the truth,” Jon said.

“The truth?” she repeated confused.

“Yes, and when you are ready to admit it yourself, come and talk to me.” And then without waiting for her to respond he turned and stalked from the hall.


	4. Chapter 4

Jon was trying to keep his attention trained on the hedge trimmer that currently laid partial disassembled on the counter in front of him. He was doing rather well at it, but occasionally his eyes would glance to the side to peek at Sansa as she hovered in the doorway of the maintenance garage. It was clear she was struggling with her decision to come in. Part of him wanted to make it easier on her by acknowledging her presence, but a larger stubborn part of him refused. If she wanted to talk to him, she was going to have to be the one to make the move.

It had been ten long days since he had kissed her in the music hall. In the last five days there had been at least two times that he had seen her start to approach him, only to decide at the last moment to veer off. He was waiting to see if today would be the third. 

At last he heard the sound of her approaching and took a deep breath before turning in her direction. He busied himself wiping his hands on a rag in hopes that it might hide the anxiety he felt.

“Jon,” she began. “Do you have a moment?”

“Yes,” he answered and took her in. He was looking for any clue that might tip him off as to which way this was heading.

“I….. I was wondering if you have some time after lunch. I’d like you to go with me and take a look at a place I’d like to clear for a fire pit.”

Jon hoped that his expression didn’t betray the utter disappointment he felt. He should’ve known work would be the only thing that would get her to speak to him alone right now.

“Alright,” he agreed and gripped the rag in his hand tightly.

“Great. I’ll meet you back here at one? We can take the ATV.”

“Alright,” he said once more. He turned back to the hedge trimmer but he felt her lingering. “Is there something else?” he finally asked without looking to her. When another long moment went by without an answer, he forced himself to turn back to her. She looked slightly flustered and her fingers were playing with her hair. “Sansa?” She looked up as if he had startled her. “Is there something else you need?”

She opened her mouth and then paused. The next moment she seemed to pull herself together and dropped her hands. “No, no that was all for now,” she said quickly and then turned and hurried from the shed. Jon watched her go and then sighed before once again turning back to the hedge trimmer.

xxxxxxx

“Special delivery,” Robb called out as he entered the garage. Jon looked up to see him carrying a paper bag.

“What is it?” Jon asked as walked towards him.

“Lunch,” Robb said with a smile.

“And to what do I owe this?”

“You missed Sunday dinner again,” Robb answered as he pulled out a plastic container that held a pot roast sandwich. He held it towards him. Jon felt a stab of guilt. He has missed all the family dinners, save the first, this season due to his situation with Sansa. “Well go on, I had to fight my father for these leftovers.”

Jon laughed and took the sandwich. He took a seat on one of the work benches and opened the container as Robb took a few more containers from the bag. “Was my absence noted?” he asked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“There might’ve been a comment made.” Jon winced internally. The last thing he wanted to do right now was put himself back out of his aunt’s graces. It had taken him a full season of hard work just a few years back to even get her to invite him to those dinners. “Sansa covered for you though, said she had asked you to sort out some thing in the maze.” Robb added before biting into his sandwich.

Jon felt a small wave of relief. “I’ll be there next time, I promise.”

They ate some of their meal in companionable silence before Robb spoke again. “So what’s up with you?”

Jon swallowed slowly before answering. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know……. Well it’s just, you’ve seemed sorta…. I don’t know, distant maybe?”

Jon looked at him and again slowly chewed his food to buy time. He had been a bit withdrawn while he waited for Sansa to make up her mind, and he’d twice turned down Robb and Theon’s invitation to go out drinking down in Wintertown. But this wasn’t an issue he could actually talk to Robb about right now. He could tell Robb was waiting so he finally swallowed. “I don’t know. I haven’t meant to be. I guess it’s just different this year, you know since I’m running the whole crew.”

“I get that,” Robb said. “I mean I’m not running everything yet, but there is a lot more pressure this year.” This was the first year that Ned and Cat had taken a major step back and left a lot of the day to day operations up to Robb and Sansa. 

“Exactly, it’s a big shift for all of us.”

“And your sure it’s nothing else?”

“Nothing for you to be concerned about, no.”

“Alright then.”

They finished eating their sandwiches as Robb told him about Theon’s latest escapade in Wintertown and why they might be banned from Hornwoods for a while. They were sharing a good laugh when Sansa entered the garage.

“Robb,” she said, sounding almost surprised to see him.

“Hey sis,” he said as he gathered up the Tupperware and placing it back in the bag. “What you up to?”

“Jon and I were going to go out on the trail, I wanted to scout out some possible locations for a fire pit. I was thinking of adding a starlight trail ride.”

“Solid idea, maybe I should tag along?”

“Not necessary,” Sansa said far too quickly which caused Jon to look up at her. He noticed that a flush was starting to form near the base of her neck.

“Isn’t the liquor delivery this afternoon?” Jon asked. Sansa looked slightly relieved as he spoke.

“Ah, yes, you’re right,” Robb said and checked his watch. “Well guess I’m off then. Can’t risk Theon signing for it.”

“Thanks for lunch,” Jon said.

“Sure thing. Later sis,” Robb said as he headed off towards the hotel.

They were quiet as they watched Robb go, neither speaking until they were certain he was out of range.

“So where are we going exactly?” Jon asked as he went to grab the keys to the ATV.

“Here,” Sansa said and pointed to a spot on the grounds map that hung on the wall.

“Alright then,” Jon said. “I’ll drive.” Sansa nodded and followed him outside to where the ATV was parked.

They put on their helmets and he sat down. Sansa was hesitating. When he looked up at her, he could see the flush had crept higher up her neck. “Are we going or……”

“Yeah,” she said quickly and then slid behind him before wrapping her arms around him.

He started the ATV and they headed out pass the stables and picked up the trail. It was a perfect summer day. If things weren’t so awkward between them, he would’ve really enjoyed taking a ride like this, what with her pressed so tightly against him and all. He reminded himself to stay strong, to not let himself get taken in by that feeling. The next step, if there was to be a next step, had to start with her.

They followed the trail for a while and then Sansa advised him to stop when they got to where the trail forked. He slowed the ATV down and came to a stop next to the partial clearing that was to the left side of the split.

Sansa slid out from behind him and took off her helmet. She sat it on the ATV and then shook out her hair. Jon couldn’t stop himself from staring as it shined in the dappled light that filtered through the leaves. Sansa caught his eye and gave him a soft smile before turning and heading into the clearing. He felt himself smile a little and then he got off the ATV and took his own helmet off before following after her.

“So what are you looking to do here?” he called out to her as the reached the center of the clearing.

“I’d like to put a ranch style entry way off the trail. Expand the clearing some. Fire pit in the center and then log benches ringing it…… Or put the fire pit off to the side there, and have the benches in a semi circle, sort of like an amphitheater? Thoughts?”

Jon came to stand beside her and looked around. “So a couple questions. When are you looking to have this completed and what do you ultimately plan to use the space for mostly?”

“It’s for campfires,” she said looking confused.

“I mean what’s your vision. Is it families sitting around toasting marshmallows and making s’mores? Or is it a guide telling stories about the stars?”

Sansa seemed to ponder that for a moment. “You bring up a good point. I guess I hadn’t thought it that far through yet.”

“That’s not like you.”

“Well maybe that’s because something else is taking up all the space in my head lately.”

“And what would that be?” Jon said moving in front of her.

“I think you know.”

“I can guess, but why don’t you tell me anyways.”

“Are you really going to make me?”

“Did you really bring me all the way out here only for this?” Jon asked gesturing to the clearing.

Sansa sighed and looked defeated. “No.” Jon crossed his arms and waited for her to continue. “What did you mean when you said the reason you kissed me in the music hall was so that you’d know the truth?”

“Sansa you already know the answer to that.” He wasn’t going to give her an inch on this. He’d waited years for that night in the art vault. If there was going to be anything more than that one night, it needed to be because both of them wanted it. He knew how he felt, now he needed to know where she stood.

She looked at him for a few moments and took a couple deep breaths. “This is crazy. What was I thinking?” she said and started to walk away.

“No, wait. Don’t. Tell me what you’re thinking. What’s crazy?” he said as he stepped quickly to block her from leaving.

“This. Us,” she cried motioning to the two of them.

“What us? Last time you said it was just about the sex.” Her face crumbled a bit and Jon feared he might have gone too far.

“You already know that was a lie,” she said softly.

“Do I?” he countered. They stood looking at each other for several moments.

Sansa spoke first. “You should kiss me again. I can tell you want to.”

“Is that what you want? I don’t want this to be just about what I want.”

“You know, this has been a little overwhelming. I never thought it could be more than an inappropriate crush.”

“Why?”

“I was never certain you felt anything romantic towards me….. I mean there were hints I suppose, but I usually convinced myself it was just wishful thinking.”

“You could’ve asked.”

She laughed a little at that. “And died of humiliation if I was wrong? Please. Plus, we both kept seeing other people. The timing never felt right.”

“Fair enough,” he conceded.

“And honestly I was scared. Because if you did feel the same….. well maybe some other people wouldn’t be so happy or understand it. Maybe they won’t accept it.”

He knew she mainly meant her mother. She would be an obstacle at some point, but he didn’t want her to be a hinderance in this moment. He wanted her to clearly voice her feelings. “Can we worry about that another time?” he asked. “Tell me what you want, right here, right now.”

Sansa hesitated and Jon could no longer resist touching her. He reached out and ran his hand over her cheek and let it linger on her neck.

“You,” she whispered faintly before repeating it louder. “You, I want you.”

Jon reached out with his other hand and placed it on her lower back and pulled her to him. His lips found hers and he kissed her like he had in the music hall. It was intense and full of pent up passion and frustration. Sansa kissed him back with the same intensity. Relief poured over her. It had been hard to keep such distance from him these last few days. 

It wasn’t long before they were laying in the grass, fumbling with each other’s pants. They stripped down and came together with Sansa on top. Jon could feel the sticks and grass cutting into his back, but the pain paled in comparison to the pleasure he felt from Sansa riding him. His hands roamed from her breast to her hips as she moved harder and harder against him. He slipped a hand between them, touching her just so. After a moment she fell over the edge. Her back arched as his name spilled from her lips in the most wonderful moan. He let her ride out the moment and when she finished, he flipped them over so that he was now in control. He hooked an arm under one of her knees and pushed it towards her so that her hips lifted from the ground.

“Fuck,” she cried out as he felt her come once again. The sensation was enough to send him over his own edge and he quickly withdrew and spilled on the ground. He leaned forward and kissed her once more and then rocked back on his heels. It took them a moment to catch their breaths and then he helped her sit up.

Jon stood up and handed her her shirt before putting on his pants.

“How bad is my back?” she asked as she stood up and pulled a couple twigs from her hair. Jon walked behind her, it was red, but he saw no scratches.

“There’s no bleeding, but it’s red. I’d keep it covered the rest for the day to be safe.” He walked back in front of her and showed her his back and heard her wince.

“You’ll need to keep yours covered for a few days unless you can come up with a good cover story,” she said as she pulled on her own shirt and collected her pants. “Does it hurt?” she asked touching it gently.

“Yes, but it was worth it,” he said turning so he could wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He gave her another kiss.

He released her after a minute but noted the strange look on her face as she pulled her pants on. “What’s wrong?” he asked as an unsettling feeling started to creep into his stomach.

“Please don’t get upset,” she began. The unsettled feeling started to intensify. “But can we keep this just for us for a while?”

Jon wasn’t sure if he was relieved or if he should feel offended in this moment, and Sansa quickly picked up on it.

“I want to be with you, I do, but we both know this might not be easy…….. And what if it doesn’t last? I just, I’d like to be able to see where it goes without everyone watching or gossiping about us. I want us to have time to figure this out without interference or pressure. And if it doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I just don’t want anyone thinking they need to pick sides.”

“You’re just being pragmatic,” Jon said. He was hurt she had already started to worry over how this would end.

“Jon, please don’t read into it like that.”

“Like what? That you are already expecting this to fail?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. But yes, the thought of this failing is one of the things that has been holding me back. You’ve become one of my closest friends in the last couple years, we work together, we’re family. What if this is just…… I don’t know curiosity? What if the attraction fades after a couple more times? We don’t even know what this is exactly. Would it be worth getting everyone worked up for that?”

“By everyone do you mean your mother?” He’d be lying if he said the idea of keeping this from Aunt Cat for as long as possible didn’t have an appeal though. And she was right that there would be a lot of pressure knowing the staff was watching them and discussing them behind their backs.

“For starters. But we both know the staff will talk about it nonstop. I’m supposed to be in charge this year, I just don’t want a romantic relationship to be what everyone focuses on.”

It was a small price to pay to have her. And she wasn’t saying they could never tell anyone, it was just till they figured it out for themselves. That seemed fair. “I understand and I can respect it. But promise me we’ll give this a real shot. And try to stop worrying about the end when it’s barely just started,” he said taking her hands.

“I promise.” He nodded and then kissed her forehead softly. She smiled as he pulled back and then leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

“Ready to head back?” he asked and took her hand and stepped in the direction of the ATV.

“Wait,” she said with a laugh and pulled him to a stop. “We didn’t finish what we came here for in the first place.”

He raised an eyebrow and looked around. “Oh, you were serious? I thought you made this whole project up just to get me alone out here.”

Sansa blushed and laughed. “Full confession, yes, originally I did. But now that I can think more clearly, I think it’s actually a good idea. But let’s go with the amphitheater design. I mean after what we just did over there, I can’t imagine ever looking at this place as family friendly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I think this might be the last chapter for this. I finally got my head around a couple of things that we're jamming me up, so I am planning to start working on the original piece again. We'll see how it goes. I really just want to get that story out of my system since it's one I keep coming back and it's been like two years now. Its not even that amazing, but I just can't toss it out 25,000 words in, lol. So now it's like a thing I have to conquer........
> 
> Anyways, thank you for indulging me and I hoped you enjoyed reading!


End file.
